Smell

There is a smell coming from my kitchen. Dishes that have been left for two weeks, food still stuck to them, leaves this awkward oder. My anger starts to rise everytime I walk into the kitchen, to see yet another meal made, yet no clean up committed. I'm almost out of conditioner. Half used by someone else. She said she'd by me more, but I don't see any. The toilet paper is almost gone. Another thing to apparently fall into my lap. And now at three in the morning, I can't sleep because my anger won't let me. I dwell on lack of responsibility and laziness and wonder how much longer I can last...

failing words

My words fail me in what i want to say, what i want to scream.
Do we not see? Can we not hear?
The voices of the children from all over the world cry out
in hunger, in anguish, in fear.
And what is it that we do?
Buy another car, another house, go grocery shopping, throwing out the old food to replace with freshness.

What the hell am I doing? Nothing. I long to give, to help and yet I talk with no action. I talk to tell others, to promote them to doing. My doing will be in the future. But maybe my doing should start now.

My words fail me. They don't give justice to what I want to say. Eventually it will come-- in action, in emotion, in love.

What the Hype about Marriage

Marriage is too hyped up. A combination of my parent's divorce and their marriages henceforce as well as my observation of too many couples in angry, spiteful relationships have shown me this. There is this idea of someone completing you, they will make everything all right and they will be there. But there's still loneliness. No matter how well you think someone knows you or loves you, one day you'll wake up and realize that they don't, that you don't even know yourself. Companionship is great, but it's also good to be alone sometimes. It might be scary-- you see things within yourself you wished you didn't. You have to come to terms with who you are, the real you, not the image that's put on in front of everyone else. Some people are better at being alone than others. That I realize and respect. We are all quite different. And that's why I think marriage is hard. It takes a lot of work. You are living with someone that is from a different background than you. They have a different way of doing things. Their cleanliness level may be way different than yours. The heat may be set at different tempatures for different people.
I haven't been married and so I'm sure there are people who don't agree with what I'm saying. But I have had roommates and have learned from my joys and sorrows of them. And like I said in the begginning, very few couples I meet are happy in their marriage. Why do so many end in divorce? I don't know if I'll get married. If I do, I understand that it takes work and it's not perfect. How could it be? We aren't perfect. But until the day of my maybe wedding comes, I will enjoy being single. I will enjoy my freedom and peace. I will love that I am my own person through and through and that my first name won't be combined with another's to form one.