Perpetual Confusion

...which leads me to ask - If one is perpetually confused, may they, in a sense, then be less confused because it is a constant state of being for them? Sooner or later the life that is being led day in and day out has to make sense or else the living part would be too confusing. Thus one is not necessairly confused, they just are who they are proceeding with thoughts whose conclusions will remain unknown.
The LSATs. While I'm not confused about the tests or its contents, the test questions have propelled me into a wasted land of analyzation to the extreme. I'm starting to get weird looks for comments made about the circle of life (or lack there of), my mind, being so focused on the large abstract, is forgetting the simple things in life, like the use of a phone. And so I've run away into the world of Anne of Green Gables. I love this book. I have always enjoyed the movies, but have never read the series through. I can relate to her. Not in the way that she is an orphan, or lives in Canada, or the fact that it takes place over 1oo years ago, or that she lives in farm country with blossiming trees and brooks and flowers, or that I've been adopted by an old brother and sister who never married--basically the whole plot part has nothing to do with me. But the character of this girl is closely aligned with my soul. I am drawn into a world that is definently from the Romantic Era. Lines like "my life is a graveyard of hopes" or that nature takes such a presidence or the drama of living and dying. It makes me so happy. My escape from life of confusion.
In all honesty I was okay with not understanding what I thought on Sunday morning. I even said "sometimes it's okay to be confused. I think it's needed for one not to know what they think." But by later on Sunday, my lack of conclusion spread its wings further into my life covering me from the least bit of clarity. At this point I'm not even sure what began my lack of understanding. I'm simply marching through the paces of my day without fulling comprehending the involvment of my being. I want to sit out, away from the living, to simply be alone until I feel resolved.

dark inside

stringy hair, dusty feet
all i can do is think of
the white swirled with silver like
shimmery pearls sliced
on the windsheild while the car wash
layers, enclosing me in
the whiteness.
The car lights up and
daylight breaks in surrounding me
all alone, set apart from the world
inside.
horrible, darkness glaring blatantly
in the light, discovering me as real
as messed up, as here.
wet cheeks is show for what is
inside.