To be that Woman...

I hope that if I ever fall in love I will be willing to give it up. I don't ever want to be the woman who is so determined to have what she wants that she hurts so many people. I don't ever want to be so selfish. I just hope that I could love enough to do what is best for that person and the people he loves the most. Eleven years ago and the pain is still there. Consequences for actions continue to occur, people are continually hurt. Why would I ever want to put any one else through that? Why should I step over everyone else just for my own happiness/desires? How hard forgiveness is to give over and over. The wounds keep re-opening with a word, an action, another picture taken off the wall, erasing us from the family. The one that is newly created, that is held together with hostility. Hostility from us who are supposed to clean but not go on vacation, who are supposed to think we matter to more than one person in that house. I don't fit. I've known that for a long time, i've gotten over it. It just makes me sick to see the same thing happening to my sister and to know that the beginnings are happening to the other one, the one that is HER child. My heart breaks for them and it hardens for her, the woman who has gotten everything she's wanted and is still not happy.